You know what I miss most since moving to Texas? Besides people who aren't in Texas, of course... Reading. And writing. Sometimes when I look back through my old stuff, I am surprised at how well I documented things then. Maybe I should do more of that these days...
Goodness, Olathe seems like a lifetime ago. And yet, I remember those feelings like it was yesterday. Reading over things I was writing as I got to know Sean and we began to do life together, I definitely am taken back to what things were like in the beginning.
Ten years ago, Sean and I were friends. We talked every day, about everything. Ten years ago, I was ending a relationship with another man because I couldn't imagine being married to him when I was in love with Sean. Ten years ago, I was trying to figure out how to move to a different state and leave my best friend behind. Ten years ago, I was trying to learn how to be the best me I could be and not depend on a romantic relationship, but instead to find my worth in my relationship with God. I was just a baby ten years ago!
Nine years ago, I was a newlywed. Navigating a whole new world. I had never expected to actually end up with Sean, and yet there we were; living in a tiny town in Kansas, adjusting to the flow of life together. It was completely surreal. Who knew what things would be headed our way.
Eight years ago, we had just moved again. Life in small town Kansas has a way of beating you up. If you're an outsider, you'd better find your niche quickly or they will chew you up and spit you out. We never did find a niche... One school year was enough there. Sean had gone back to school eight years ago. He decided to work on his Masters Degree and things were looking up. I had just started a new job and had no clue how life-changing that would be, but it has been in some amazing ways.
Seven years ago, things were a more settled crazy. We'd adjusted to the student lifestyle, and things were chugging along. Sean's dad had just had a liver transplant and we were traveling quite a bit due to that, but we were planning our first adult vacation, which Sean still talks about recreating someday, and we were happy. At this point, we had both been working at the same places for about a year and things were good. I don't know what Sean would say about his work experiences in Wichita, but man did I learn a lot. Not just about my job, but about me. I was blessed to be able to work with some amazing people, and thankful that they were there to help me learn to work around the crazier ones... Little did we know how life was about to change, though.
Six years ago, life was not going as smoothly as I would have liked it to be. A change in leadership at my place of employment had things completely out of whack, and by the end of the year I would be terminated from a position for the first time in my life. With all the things that were going on right now six years ago, I was beginning to feel completely overwhelmed. I only thought I knew how to keep things going then. This period of time was just preparing me for what was to come, I think.
Five years ago, wow. I didn't remember how smooth things were at this time five years ago. We were in a good place, surrounded by good friends, going to a good church, working good jobs. It's funny how looking back on things gives such good perspective. There was a definite period of time where things were good or things were not so good. I'm sure that someday I'll look back to now and think the same, but looking back to five years ago, I can tell that this was a good time. The year to follow held a lot of change, though. This is when we gained a little responsibility...
Four years ago, we had moved. A big move this time. Sean was living in a different state for the first time in his life. We were in the middle of a contested adoption, and were not sure, even from day to day, how things would play out on that front. Family was changing drastically, and the fallout from that continues to affect us today. Emotions were all over the place that year, and I am thankful for the people who prayed us through the process of gaining our oldest son.
Three years ago September we saw the final piece of paperwork in the adoption process get completed. With that completed, a new birth certificate arrived and we began the ever-changing process of doing life as parents. If you had told me then some of the things we'd have been through by now, I don't know that I could have even functioned. But one day at a time, we became a family of three. This was the year we lost my grandfather. I can't believe it's been that long ago. But in a way, realizing that life has continued moving past this loss gives me great hope.
Two years ago brought us "Clock Kid", and the ugly reality of being a public school teacher. But, I had just had surgery and was healthier than I had been in a long time. Things had hit a good rhythm over-all and we were blessed beyond belief to find out that a new little one would be joining us shortly.
Last year at this time, Baby and I were finally nearing the end of our month long exile. The hospital stay has still proven to be the scariest thing about being a parent, though it had more to do with the realization that healthcare is not as simple as it seems like it should be. I hope to never be that tired or that terrified ever again.
This year has been its own kind of crazy. Lots of travel to many places for many reasons. Not enough time with the family we've chosen, in my opinion, but more than most years. Now we're looking forward to the holidays; to another new year starting. To seeing what is to come as we continue moving forward.
I am so thankful that life is not done changing. Even though in the midst of the changes I sometimes forget that God has a plan in all of it. After everything that has happened this year, I am so glad to not be stuck here in this place. I'm thankful for new friends who come in just in time to show me that God is at work in my sphere. I'm thankful for people who grow into friendships and more, that's a pleasant change. I'm beyond thankful that I'm not done learning. Becoming me is exhausting, but staying who I was would be even worse. I'm thankful for grace, be it from people or from God, I would not be able to keep going without grace. And I'm thankful for these last ten years and the ability to look back and see God's hand in them.
Goodness, Olathe seems like a lifetime ago. And yet, I remember those feelings like it was yesterday. Reading over things I was writing as I got to know Sean and we began to do life together, I definitely am taken back to what things were like in the beginning.
Ten years ago, Sean and I were friends. We talked every day, about everything. Ten years ago, I was ending a relationship with another man because I couldn't imagine being married to him when I was in love with Sean. Ten years ago, I was trying to figure out how to move to a different state and leave my best friend behind. Ten years ago, I was trying to learn how to be the best me I could be and not depend on a romantic relationship, but instead to find my worth in my relationship with God. I was just a baby ten years ago!
Nine years ago, I was a newlywed. Navigating a whole new world. I had never expected to actually end up with Sean, and yet there we were; living in a tiny town in Kansas, adjusting to the flow of life together. It was completely surreal. Who knew what things would be headed our way.
Eight years ago, we had just moved again. Life in small town Kansas has a way of beating you up. If you're an outsider, you'd better find your niche quickly or they will chew you up and spit you out. We never did find a niche... One school year was enough there. Sean had gone back to school eight years ago. He decided to work on his Masters Degree and things were looking up. I had just started a new job and had no clue how life-changing that would be, but it has been in some amazing ways.
Seven years ago, things were a more settled crazy. We'd adjusted to the student lifestyle, and things were chugging along. Sean's dad had just had a liver transplant and we were traveling quite a bit due to that, but we were planning our first adult vacation, which Sean still talks about recreating someday, and we were happy. At this point, we had both been working at the same places for about a year and things were good. I don't know what Sean would say about his work experiences in Wichita, but man did I learn a lot. Not just about my job, but about me. I was blessed to be able to work with some amazing people, and thankful that they were there to help me learn to work around the crazier ones... Little did we know how life was about to change, though.
Six years ago, life was not going as smoothly as I would have liked it to be. A change in leadership at my place of employment had things completely out of whack, and by the end of the year I would be terminated from a position for the first time in my life. With all the things that were going on right now six years ago, I was beginning to feel completely overwhelmed. I only thought I knew how to keep things going then. This period of time was just preparing me for what was to come, I think.
Five years ago, wow. I didn't remember how smooth things were at this time five years ago. We were in a good place, surrounded by good friends, going to a good church, working good jobs. It's funny how looking back on things gives such good perspective. There was a definite period of time where things were good or things were not so good. I'm sure that someday I'll look back to now and think the same, but looking back to five years ago, I can tell that this was a good time. The year to follow held a lot of change, though. This is when we gained a little responsibility...
Four years ago, we had moved. A big move this time. Sean was living in a different state for the first time in his life. We were in the middle of a contested adoption, and were not sure, even from day to day, how things would play out on that front. Family was changing drastically, and the fallout from that continues to affect us today. Emotions were all over the place that year, and I am thankful for the people who prayed us through the process of gaining our oldest son.
Three years ago September we saw the final piece of paperwork in the adoption process get completed. With that completed, a new birth certificate arrived and we began the ever-changing process of doing life as parents. If you had told me then some of the things we'd have been through by now, I don't know that I could have even functioned. But one day at a time, we became a family of three. This was the year we lost my grandfather. I can't believe it's been that long ago. But in a way, realizing that life has continued moving past this loss gives me great hope.
Two years ago brought us "Clock Kid", and the ugly reality of being a public school teacher. But, I had just had surgery and was healthier than I had been in a long time. Things had hit a good rhythm over-all and we were blessed beyond belief to find out that a new little one would be joining us shortly.
Last year at this time, Baby and I were finally nearing the end of our month long exile. The hospital stay has still proven to be the scariest thing about being a parent, though it had more to do with the realization that healthcare is not as simple as it seems like it should be. I hope to never be that tired or that terrified ever again.
This year has been its own kind of crazy. Lots of travel to many places for many reasons. Not enough time with the family we've chosen, in my opinion, but more than most years. Now we're looking forward to the holidays; to another new year starting. To seeing what is to come as we continue moving forward.
I am so thankful that life is not done changing. Even though in the midst of the changes I sometimes forget that God has a plan in all of it. After everything that has happened this year, I am so glad to not be stuck here in this place. I'm thankful for new friends who come in just in time to show me that God is at work in my sphere. I'm thankful for people who grow into friendships and more, that's a pleasant change. I'm beyond thankful that I'm not done learning. Becoming me is exhausting, but staying who I was would be even worse. I'm thankful for grace, be it from people or from God, I would not be able to keep going without grace. And I'm thankful for these last ten years and the ability to look back and see God's hand in them.