The concept of being still is a hard one for me. I just turned 26 last week. In my lifetime I have moved close to 30 times, into approximately 20 homes, in 6 different states. Moving is second nature to me. In fact, it's the time between the moves that is the hardest. I simply don't know how to stay still.
It’s not just physically moving, either. One of the hardest things for me to do is sit back and watch a situation play out. I feel like I need to be doing something. I should be helping someone or at the very least giving them my opinion on how it’s being done. I have a hard time being still in my spirit.
Looking back, most of my life has been spent trying to control things… And situations… And, let’s be honest, people. I’ve put everything I had into fixing things that I shouldn’t even be near and fighting fires that were meant to be left burning. I’ve decided what should be happening and worked to make it happen, only giving God a nod when things fell into place and deciding when they didn’t that surely figuring out how to make it work was a challenge He had given me.
I’m finally beginning to learn that God has given me the life I have had in order to teach me to be still.
He knows who I am and has for a long time. In fact, He made me who I am, so even before I was born He knew exactly what I would need in order to become the person that He wants me to be. Therefore, He put situation after situation into my life, hoping that I would let Him fight for me, knowing that if I would be still He would work it all out for my good and His glory; but allowing me to learn the hard way when it was needed, which was often. Each time something new was thrown my way, I steeled myself for the battle. I hardened my heart to protect it, put my head down, and started fighting. What I thought I was learning was that no one would fight for me, but what I was really doing was ignoring the God who desperately wanted to.
The verse in Exodus 14 came to my attention during a fight not long ago. I was swinging for all I was worth, desperate for a child who had come into my life to grow up knowing that someone thought he was worth fighting for. I was up late, reading and studying, preparing for the next stage of the battle when I came across the verse. It didn’t hit me that night the way it would in later days, but I couldn’t just skim over it, either. I acknowledged it… And then kept fighting until I hit a brick wall. The fight was over. The verse must not have been meant for me, then…
It’s funny how many times I’ve thought that. “This verse didn’t apply to my life the way I thought it would, so it must have been meant for someone else.” Isn’t that a crazy theory?
I kept living life, fighting battles that cropped up along the way (even ones that had nothing to do with me). Each time I would think about this verse and wonder if He meant it for the person I was fighting for this time. Wishing this would be the time He stepped in. But still fighting…
Today is the first day that all of the pieces have fallen into place. I’ve been mulling the verse over ever since that first night, and its meaning has been hazy and unclear in my mind. A few nights ago I started reading the book “When I Lay My Isaac Down” by Carol Kent, and it has just now connected in my brain that the struggle I have with being still is a huge one. It’s so much more than just getting bored where I’m at or fighting perceived injustices. This struggle is one of life and death; a matter of control that could cost me everything if I’m not willing to lay it down. This Isaac isn’t a situation or a dream, it’s me, and I have to be willing to stop fighting and climb up on the altar and just be still, knowing that God is in control and believing that He has my best interests at heart.
The Israelites were at the edge of the Red Sea in Exodus 14. They were trapped between an advancing Egyptian army and a body of water that would swallow them if they entered it in their own strength. They were angry at God for having brought them out of slavery only to let them die. It doesn’t sound like any of them were being still, they were too busy being furious and afraid.
13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Be still. Be still and let God be God. Be still and let Him be the loving, merciful, just God that you have always known Him to be. Be still and quit worrying. Be still and stop planning the next move as though you have any clue what your options will be. Just. Be. Still.
One translation says, “The Lord will fight for you. Just be calm.” Either way, it works. I read it as, “Let go.” Let go of what you think is control. Let go of the need to know what’s next. Let go of the selfish desire to ‘fix it’ for someone else. Let go of everything that is not God and let Him be God.
These two different stories have come together seamlessly in my heart today. The only thing that I have to do is lay myself down on the altar and be still. God has the rest of the battle firmly in hand and He will fight as long as I am willing to give up everything every day and just be still. That’s not to say that all I ever do is sit motionless and wait. Sometimes what God calls me to do is be still in my mind and follow His direction. I don’t think He’s just going to let me lay there, so it’s a journey of being still in my spirit and letting Him lead my actions.
And now my prayer is for help. Help to exercise the strength that has been built in all of these battles as I fight my fiercest enemy. Myself.
It’s not just physically moving, either. One of the hardest things for me to do is sit back and watch a situation play out. I feel like I need to be doing something. I should be helping someone or at the very least giving them my opinion on how it’s being done. I have a hard time being still in my spirit.
Looking back, most of my life has been spent trying to control things… And situations… And, let’s be honest, people. I’ve put everything I had into fixing things that I shouldn’t even be near and fighting fires that were meant to be left burning. I’ve decided what should be happening and worked to make it happen, only giving God a nod when things fell into place and deciding when they didn’t that surely figuring out how to make it work was a challenge He had given me.
I’m finally beginning to learn that God has given me the life I have had in order to teach me to be still.
He knows who I am and has for a long time. In fact, He made me who I am, so even before I was born He knew exactly what I would need in order to become the person that He wants me to be. Therefore, He put situation after situation into my life, hoping that I would let Him fight for me, knowing that if I would be still He would work it all out for my good and His glory; but allowing me to learn the hard way when it was needed, which was often. Each time something new was thrown my way, I steeled myself for the battle. I hardened my heart to protect it, put my head down, and started fighting. What I thought I was learning was that no one would fight for me, but what I was really doing was ignoring the God who desperately wanted to.
The verse in Exodus 14 came to my attention during a fight not long ago. I was swinging for all I was worth, desperate for a child who had come into my life to grow up knowing that someone thought he was worth fighting for. I was up late, reading and studying, preparing for the next stage of the battle when I came across the verse. It didn’t hit me that night the way it would in later days, but I couldn’t just skim over it, either. I acknowledged it… And then kept fighting until I hit a brick wall. The fight was over. The verse must not have been meant for me, then…
It’s funny how many times I’ve thought that. “This verse didn’t apply to my life the way I thought it would, so it must have been meant for someone else.” Isn’t that a crazy theory?
I kept living life, fighting battles that cropped up along the way (even ones that had nothing to do with me). Each time I would think about this verse and wonder if He meant it for the person I was fighting for this time. Wishing this would be the time He stepped in. But still fighting…
Today is the first day that all of the pieces have fallen into place. I’ve been mulling the verse over ever since that first night, and its meaning has been hazy and unclear in my mind. A few nights ago I started reading the book “When I Lay My Isaac Down” by Carol Kent, and it has just now connected in my brain that the struggle I have with being still is a huge one. It’s so much more than just getting bored where I’m at or fighting perceived injustices. This struggle is one of life and death; a matter of control that could cost me everything if I’m not willing to lay it down. This Isaac isn’t a situation or a dream, it’s me, and I have to be willing to stop fighting and climb up on the altar and just be still, knowing that God is in control and believing that He has my best interests at heart.
The Israelites were at the edge of the Red Sea in Exodus 14. They were trapped between an advancing Egyptian army and a body of water that would swallow them if they entered it in their own strength. They were angry at God for having brought them out of slavery only to let them die. It doesn’t sound like any of them were being still, they were too busy being furious and afraid.
13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Be still. Be still and let God be God. Be still and let Him be the loving, merciful, just God that you have always known Him to be. Be still and quit worrying. Be still and stop planning the next move as though you have any clue what your options will be. Just. Be. Still.
One translation says, “The Lord will fight for you. Just be calm.” Either way, it works. I read it as, “Let go.” Let go of what you think is control. Let go of the need to know what’s next. Let go of the selfish desire to ‘fix it’ for someone else. Let go of everything that is not God and let Him be God.
These two different stories have come together seamlessly in my heart today. The only thing that I have to do is lay myself down on the altar and be still. God has the rest of the battle firmly in hand and He will fight as long as I am willing to give up everything every day and just be still. That’s not to say that all I ever do is sit motionless and wait. Sometimes what God calls me to do is be still in my mind and follow His direction. I don’t think He’s just going to let me lay there, so it’s a journey of being still in my spirit and letting Him lead my actions.
And now my prayer is for help. Help to exercise the strength that has been built in all of these battles as I fight my fiercest enemy. Myself.